When I Get Where I'm Going

This past Tuesday night as I was at work I got a phone call from Corey & I answered as I would any other phone call. Well Corey goes on to tell me that a guy that we had gone to school with had passed away. Every time I hear news like this I never believe it at first. So I hung up with Corey & as soon as my phone turned off my screen lit up again. This time it was a text from Alexis. Well she was also texting me about Josh. By this time I had already re activated my facebook & began to look for what everyone was talking about. Sure enough it was true :( JB had passed away :( I've of course had death around me before, but no one this young that I was so close to. By this time I had already talked to some close friends of mine & was devastated. I got sent home early from work because I was so upset. I had just seen Josh 2 weeks prior to this news. I unfortunately had to see him while I was going through my rough patch. All I said was hi to him & then he went back into his room. I felt horrible knowing that those were the last words that I'd ever say to him. Thankfully I called another of my best friends mom's Cynthia & she made me look at things in a totally different way. She told me that I probably flashed him one of my smiles & even it was for a second I impacted his day. I wish that I had spoken to him more, but at least I got to see him one last time. This guy was introduced to me my Junior year of high school. At first I wasn't too sure about him, but he slowly grew on me. I always tried to get him to date Alexis which to this day we still laugh about. One night I invited them both to a movie & I ended up not going & they went alone. Alexis was ready to kill me, but at least they had a good time! Josh had a on off girlfriend & her name was Kim. First love <3 . They were hilarious. Kim & I became so close because we spent so much time together! She would drive us around with no license & we'd always end up seeing a guy. We'd blast No Scrubs as loud as the song would go & jam out. That girl & I were literally always together because our boyfriends at the time were glued to each others hips by their Nike bracelets. The first night that I had my jetta I had invited Josh & his friend over & I got to drive them around the block. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I remember once Josh came to pick me up from my grandma's house & he came in & got to meet my grandparents. We had to explain that we were just friends going to eat dinner. It sounded fishy, but we knew the truth. We ended up going to Metro Pizza where we both worked & just stayed & talked to everyone we knew that worked there forever. Another one of my favorite memories of Josh was hanging out with him while he worked at some pool inside of Tuscany ( a housing development in Henderson.) Josh & I were pretty close back in the day. We had a lot of deep conversations & I'll never forget them. He was always telling me to calm down. He got to see me in my hot head state of mind numerous times. I can hear him saying my name now. He would always exaggerate my name like it'd never end. Syyyyyddddddd & he'd give me a look. He's one of the only people I trusted like a brother. Part of it was because our dad's were close friends since high school. They are still friends to this day. Another one of my favorite memories of Josh was one year for Halloween I was at Corey's house & my ex boyfriend & Josh showed up. They had no costumes on & no bags for candy, but they took their shirts off & went around the neighborhood collecting candy. Never did I not laugh around Josh..I remember being invited to poker at Josh's house & I ended up having to play. Unfortunately I hated it & only had to play once, but it was definitely fun to watch. To this day I still don't know how to play. Now I've got many more memories of this amazing guy, but I'll keep them to myself. Plus no one wants to read about the countless hours I spent at the tennis courts. The summer of 2007 I had gone to Florida & within the first hour of me being home I made my mom take me to Mission Hills park. Josh was there & we all ended up spending hours there. That's what the picture below is from. Never a dull moment. Plus I got to attend numerous parties with Josh & he was always so much fun. He always had a smile on his face. I didn't talk to Josh for probably the last year & a half, but the past few months he was somehow thrown back into my life in different ways. Thinking back on things he helped bring clarity back to my life without him even knowing it. One night on my first trip home I got a text from a old friend Cameron. He said Josh was with him & had locked his keys in his car & didn't have his phone. He needed my ex boyfriends number & I of course gave it to him. I then told Cameron to tell him I said hello & just knowing that I had gotten a hello to him made me very happy. I thought about writing him a quick message after that, but never did. I wish I would have now, but unfortunately you can't change the past. The craziest part of that was that I hadn't talked to Cameron since our senior year of high school. Back then Cameron was my "husband" & had been since 6th grade. One day I was at Apple bee's & there he was. I was so happy to see him & sure enough Josh turned out to be one of his best friends & that was the start of JB popping up unexpectedly into my life. It makes me so sad to think that Josh isn't here anymore, but I know that he's in a better place. We never understand God's plan at the time, but one day we'll find out the reasoning behind everything that happens to us. Everything that's done to us has a reason. Josh is now in heaven & is peacefully watching over all of the people that he loves. So many people are down here crying for him, but I hope that he's standing next to them telling them that It'll all be okay. Every time that someone that's close to me or is close to someone I know passes away I pray for them. I pray for them to watch over the people that I love & the people that love them. It's nice to think that everyone is in Heaven right now just watching over everyone that they love. One day after I've lived my life I will see them all again. This death hit me so much harder than I ever thought it would. I made sure to text all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, & grandparents & I told them all that I loved them. Every single one of them texted me back that they loved me back. I also got to re connect with people I hadn't talked to for a long time that I had been very close with. I love seeing everyone come together, but I wish it was over a happier time. Seeing Josh's brother Luke post about missing his brother has had me thinking of my own brother a lot this week. If I were to loose my brother Chad I don't even know what I'd do. My brother means the world to me. He's my only sibling & I'd do anything in the world for him. When he hurts my heart hurts as well. You honestly never know what could happen. You have to make sure that the people that you love know it. This has definitely opened up my eyes to many things. I've got so much living to do & I need to actually do it. I need to do things for myself & that's just what I intend to do.  As my Grandma Corn would say, " When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
                                                                       Xoxo

Luke 23:43 And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise